My life has been blessed with several moments that have changed me but there is one that will divide my life into two parts. The Life Flight conference that I spoke at on February 12th will divide my life into before and after. There was this amazing release of pain from deep down inside of me that only God could see and I could feel. The ability to stand in front of a room full of people and admit that I was once a victim of domestic violence, a binge drinker, and that I had attempted to take my life was something I never thought I had. I am so thankful for God giving me that opportunity so that I may final live.
Everything in my life from this point will be different. I have taken the days since the conference to reach down deep inside and decide what it is that I want in life. I get a second chance at life and I feel like for the first time I may finally truly live. Here is my promises to the new me…
My promise to my faith: I promise that I will always remain faithful to my God and my faith. It is after all, through him that I am still alive and am giving the blessing in my life. I will not accept people in my life that do not accept my faith.
My promise to my health and body: I promise that I will start taking better care of myself and take time to relax. I will slow my work schedule down and enjoy more quiet time. I will begin a regular diet of eating healthy and exercise more regularly.
My promise to my intellect and head: I promise myself to finish my degree, not because people make me feel bad because I do not have one but because I want to finish. I will accept that I don’t need perfection on grades. I will take the time to finish it when I am ready and will give it my full attention.
My promise to my friendships: I will invest more in the people I call friends. I will work hard to give more than I take. I will try to be the type of friend that I hope my friends be to me. I will give more forgiving than in the past. I will work hard to give honesty, support, and faithfulness. Most of all, I will tear down my walls and will open “my space” to those who deserve it.
My promise to my dreams: I will chase them always knowing that the only person who can stop me is myself. I will put my heart and soul into Standing Courageous as it is the very best of me. I will protect my dreams and always be faithful to them.
My promise to my past: I promise from this day forward that the past will stay there and not define who I am anymore. I will be honest about who I was, what I did, and where I have been. I will not let it control my future. I will forgive myself for the mistakes I made. I will not judge myself by my past nor from what people think of who I was. I will learn from it and I will try to help people not follow the same steps I did. I will be proud of my scars and my journey as it has made me who I am today.
My promise to my future: I promise to build the best future that I can but I will remember that tomorrow is never a guarantee. I will live each day as if it was my last and strive to make my future self proud of the person I am today. I will take time to enjoy the little things I enjoy like cooking, art, poetry, music, and simple country drives. I will take time to enjoy holidays again. I will open my heart to people and be careful about passing judgement.
My promise to my heart and love: I promise to remember that a relationship does not define me. If God chooses to bring me love I will respect it. I will not compromise myself for him. I will not be sarcastic about love and I will enjoy the simple things like the enjoyment of couples who still hold hands. I will be picky and I will be willing to wait. I will remember that there is a difference between sex and love. He will have to be willing to invest in me and I in him. He will have to be willing to be my best friend. He must accept my past and support my hopes for my future. We must have amazing communication. Most importantly, I am alright not having a “him”. Relationships do not define people. I will wait for God to bring me someone and if he chooses not to, I will accept that he knows best.
In closing, I promise to be the best Paula I can be and always make me proud. I will love the girl in the mirror and always be proud of her.